-dear diary

I have been sitting on buses going into places that carried promises of love. I have learnt so much in one week that my head is slowly turning into a gourd of somewhat unwanted thoughts. I have learnt to search for love in faces of strangers.  I have learnt to be scared of losing what was never mine. I have learnt to cry myself to sleep. I have learnt to mistaken strangers’ smiles for love. I have taught myself to lose friends because my senses were literally drowning in alcohol. I have learnt that mornings are meant for apologizing because the previous night I was out of line. I have learnt that there are no shortcuts to healing. I have learnt that love is birthed by so much pain. I have ​found myself desperate for it. I have taught myself to lose pride begging for love.

 I’m still sitting here 

learning 

to forgive myself

for thinking after all those years I had left unhurt

for thinking I had managed to hurt you

I’m still learning 

the art of letting go what I never had

I’m still learning

to tell myself Im still sane.

I’m also still learning to accept 

that you hurt me.

© Elizabeth Semende 🌼

the things i want this winter

there are songs engraved on my thighs

songs from a soul, living in a storm,

smoking slow spliffs of sadness

i want to sneak into the canister of your sugar

imagine the honey we can brew when my thighs land on yours

in motions that if our bodies were pencils, will make art
🌼
baby this is the kind of freedom that I want

two bodies comfortable with each other,

sneaking into places , 

into spaces

that even paradise cannot match

© Elizabeth Semende 🌼